Love Can Hurt More Than Bullets
by Idiot-The-Great
Summary: Matt can't stand Mello's coldness toward him anymore. What will he do? And what will he do when Mello finds himself in trouble? Mello/Matt, post Takada incident, a bit OOC. HIATUS
1. Chapter 1

**Author's note:** This took awhile... sorry. Um... oh, on my Deviantart this is called "Painful Love" because they give you limited space and all that so... tell me what you think.

Disclaimer: Me no own Death Note.

Warnings: Language, boyxboy, OCness maybe... and... I dunno' it's late... .

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* * *

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_Beep. Beep. Beep. Boop. Beep. Click! Clack! Beep, beep, beep, boop! Click, click, click, click, CLACK._

The sounds echoed through the decomposing apartment; the source being a Gameboy, played by a stripe-clad, goggles-wearing boy… the one and only Matt.

He watched the tiny, pixel-formed cars race around the miniature race track. Pressing absently at the buttons, he attempted to lead his own car to victory. Usually he was completely absorbed in such mindless games like this… but there was something else that kept coming up in the boy's mind… something covered in tight leather and addicted to chocolate.

Matt admitted to himself that he had… developed a crush on said chocolate addict when he first saw him at Wammy's house… though he'd never say that aloud.

The door flew open, hitting the wall and bouncing back; almost hitting the person who strode into the room. There was the clicking of boots on the floor and the swish of a jacket being thrown down.

The clicking started again, but this time stopped near the redhead; who was comfortably smashed between two foam-ejecting cushions.

"Fucking useless…" The voice said. Matt didn't have to look up to know who had spoken… it was Mello, of course, the same boy that had been haunting his thoughts only moments before.

The comment stopped the redhead; his fingers frozen over the plastic Gameboy buttons. Mello walked away as he snapped off another piece of chocolate. The gamer knew he should be used to the other's harassments, but it still cut him deep whenever Mello offended him in some way… though he'd never show it.

The Gameboy, which had momentarily been forgotten, flashed and beeped as two cars in front of Matt's crossed the finish line. The redhead's goggle-covered eyes snapped back down to his game; his fingers moving at hyper speed to make up for the lost time.

His car came in third.

_Third, huh? Yeah… Kinda' like me and that whole L spiel …At least Mello's in second! I guess I've never really cared about being L, but… in second place at least you get some kind of ribbon… Well, first gets the blue ribbon, of course, second gets the… I don't know… some color ribbon, and third just gets a pat on the back and a 'nice try, retard!' While they walk away thinking about how stupid you are and think that have to pity you and treat you like a baby even if you don't want any of it._

Matt's eyes traveled over to Mello, who was making his way to the kitchen… for more chocolate, most likely.

_I probably am pretty useless, aren't I? Maybe he complains for a good reason instead of just doing it to nag…_The gamer thought miserably.

Different colors from his Gameboy displaying a large '3' danced across his face and reflected off his orange-tinted goggles.

He reached for his lighter and cigarette box.

Pulling out one of the thin tubes, he flicked on the lighter; a small flame appeared.

"I'm sorry for being useless, Mello." He said before taking a long drag from his cigarette. He wasn't quite sure if the blonde had heard him… but he had meant what he said.

The kitchen door flew open and Mello burst into the room. He placed his leather covered hands on the back of the couch and leaned in slightly toward the redhead.

"What did you say?" The blonde snapped. His fierce blue eyes snapped over to the fag between Matt's lips. "And what did I say about the damn smoking?!" He demanded as he flicked the offensive stick out of Matt's mouth.

The redhead looked longingly at the now burned out cig before looking back at Mello with his usual indifferent expression. The blonde's eyes locked with Matt's goggle-covered ones. Matt could swear the blue eyes were burning a hole in his head.

"Tell. Me. What. You. Said." Mello snapped in a hushed voice. Matt couldn't pull his eyes away from the other man's, "I…uh… said that…" The gamer was speechless… with Mello that close to him.

"Matt!" The blonde warned as he got closer to the redhead's face. The movement was probably supposed to be intimidating in the blonde's mind, but to Matt, this movement was very embarrassing… not to mention sexy on Mello's part. The redhead kicked himself for thinking that and took a breath to answer Mello.

"I apologized." The gamer answered, unable to come up with anything more, he diverted his gaze down to his hands to put up the pretense that he had gone back to his video games.

Mello leaned back and away from the small couch. The blonde took a seat next to Matt, kicking the redhead's leg, which had been stretched out over all of the cushions, so he could sit down.

"What for?" Mello asked as he snapped off another piece of chocolate. "For being… useless, like you said." The smoker answered nonchalantly.

The blonde pulled off another piece of chocolate with his teeth, pondering Matt's answer. A small smirk worked its way onto Mello's lips. "Psh. You should be sorry because it's true. You're useless… get to work… Oh, I still have to work out the kinks in next week's plan… I should get on that…" With that demand the blonde left and went into his room, where he probably wouldn't come out of for about and hour.

Mello, like he said, was probably trying to work out the kinks in all of the plans he had… but Mello was also probably contacting someone in he mafia… someone Mello didn't want Matt to know about.

_Maybe he's going to off me or something…_ The gamer thought absently as he grabbed one of the various laptops that cluttered the dull carpets and tables.

The redhead prepared himself for more mindless and continuous hacking like usual. He prepared himself for the fingers that were sure to be rubbed raw by the end of this session. He set his fingers gently on the keyboard and watched the cursor hover over his striped wallpaper… a thought came to him.

_Maybe… just this once… I don't have to listen to him… _Matt set down his laptop softly at this thought. _I always listen… and besides, I'm useless to him anyway, right? Sorry Mel, I love you to death, but…_ After this thought Matt found himself grabbing his key and a pencil as he walked silently over to a notebook.

_**Sorry Mello… for being useless, I mean. Don't worry, I'm sure you can find yourself a better techie or hacker or whatever I was to you… I guess you don't like me as much as I like you because I'm certain you don't even think of me as a friend anymore. Things just aren't like they used to be and I understand that now. You could've told me to leave anytime, you know?**_ Matt thought this as he wrote it down on the stray notebook.

Just in case, the redhead added 'This isn't a suicide note.' On the bottom… not like Mello would care though.

With that, Matt lit up a cigarette and walked out the front door, He flew down the stairs and out of the apartment complex. The gamer climbed into his car, jammed the keys into the ignition, started the car, and drove away down the street.

Though the act was spontaneous, Matt knew exactly where he was going.


	2. He's gone!

**Author's note:** Okay, sorry this took so dang long and sorry it's so short! THANKS TO THOSE OF YOU WHO REVIEWED. I appreciate it greatly! It's what keeps me going.

**Warnings:** Maybe OCness, Mello's foul mouth, and my horrible story writing...I think that's about it...

**Disclaimer:** Me no own Death Note!

* * *

Mello, noticing the absence of vigorous typing, went back into the living room in search of his red haired partner.

The shooter walked into what seemed like fog, but his nose told him otherwise… cigarette smoke. "Matt!! Why are you smoking in the house again?! When I find you I'm going to fucking kill y-" The blonde stopped abruptly when he saw a notebook lying open, among other things, on the legless coffee table by the couch.

Mello picked it up.

Matt's handwriting.

He scanned through the sloppy note, but read thoroughly through its contents again to make sure he was reading correctly.

"He's gone…?!" Mello asked himself in frustration. The blonde slammed the notebook down and pinched the bridge of his nose in thought.

"Agh!" Mello screamed, kicking a chair. The force of the kick sent the unfortunate chair flying into a nearby table, nearly knocking the table over. In his fury, Mello shoved the table over as well.

All of the table's contents joined the other various items that cluttered the floor. The shooter lowered himself to the ground and rested his back against the wall.

"Matt's right…idiot! Ugh… I'll have the find a new hacker… he forgot that he's my hitman too… agh!" Mello picked up the notebook again and started to reread the note.

"Why wouldn't he think we were friends? And what the hell does he mean by 'I guess you don't like me as much as I like you...'? Is that a joke or something? He said it as if he… is in love with me or something!"

Mello was shouting at this point, not bothering to lower his voice for the sake of the other people in the apartment complex.

The blonde snickered to himself, a cold and almost sad sound. "Loves me? What am I thinking? Me? With this hideous scar? With my attitude that just pisses him off and makes him want to strangle me? Yeah right, great thinking… and I'm supposed to be a genius?! He proved my point; he got so fucking sick of me that he left…!"

Mello brushed his hair back with his fingers, his nails scratching and digging into his scalp. The shooter sighed.

"Okay, okay, new techie…" He mumbled as he pulled out his phone in popes that someone in his mafia would be decent with hacking and technology… though he could never wish for a better hacker than Matt, because Matt _was_ the best, no, _is _the best hacker in the world.

The blonde dialed a number and a male's voice answered after a few rings.

"Find someone with decent hacking skills." Mello commanded.

"_What happed to the other hacker? Don't tell me you killed 'im!"_ The male voice asked.

"No, I didn't kill him, but it's none of your damn business! Do what I asked!!" The blonde hissed and hung up on the man.

Mello found it hard to work on any cases without the constant clicking of keys on a keyboard or random comments from Matt or Matt occasionally showing Mello some information he found. Mello found it especially hard to choke down the pathetic dinner he had made for himself… Matt usually did the cooking.

"Oh for god's sake, Matt, where are you?!"

* * *

Matt pulled into the dark garage. This was one of the mafia's private garages, so he figured his car would be somewhat safe and hidden.

The gamer got out of the car and slammed the door shut. Shoving the keys into his vest pocket, Matt walked out and onto the street. He punched a code into a small box over to the side of the threshold and the garage door slid shut.

"Goodbye my baby!" Matt called cheerfully, contrary to his mood, to his car.

The redhead flagged down a taxi and climbed in.

"To the airport." Matt ordered nonchalantly; the taxi started moving down the street.

_Thank god I'm not in Japan… I can't speak that damn language…!_ The gamer thought, truly grateful.

The cab pulled to a stop in front of the large building; people were bustling about, all looking like they had somewhere important to go as they carried their suitcases and bundles around.

"Thanks dude." Matt said. He handed the driver some cash and got out.

The redhead smirked as the cab drove away. Matt rubbed his lips with his first two fingers to think. (Yes, Matty and his odd ways to show he's thinking!)

"Hmm… to New York… now, whose luggage should I stow away on for the trip…?"

* * *

Music I listened to while writing this:

The Walk by Imogen Heap

Clowns (Can you see me now?) by T.A.T.U.

Thirty Minutes by T.A.T.U.

Bird and the Worm by The Used

Please review! See ya' later.


	3. The Geek Squad tea party?

**Author's note:** Sorry it took so long... I had MAJOR writers' block and I sprained one of my fingers... so it hurt to type this. -;

I apologize for any spelling/grammer errors that may have occured...

**Warning:** Boy/boy, swearing, OCness.

**Disclaimer: **Me no own Death Note... though I wish I did.

I think that's it... don't forget to review.

* * *

Mello held the phone in his hands, wondering if he should hit the call button. The number highlighted in red was Matt's, but the blonde couldn't bring himself to call.

_It was his choice to leave…_ Mello told himself; he could feel the anger bubbling up inside him, threatening to spill over.

The blonde decided to slide the phone across the floor before he threw it, which would have inevitably happened.

The black Nokia didn't get far before it started vibrating.

The blonde snatched up the phone and examined the number.

False alarm. The Mafia.

"Yes?" Mello answered.

"_We got a techie for you… he's coming over to your place." _The other man stated before Mello hung up.

"Great!" Mello snarled sarcastically. He stretched his arm back, phone in hand, and launched the device across the room with a grunt.

Pieces of technology joined the still-intact technology on the floor.

"Damn it all!!" The shooter yelled before storming into the kitchen for chocolate.

* * *

Matt felt himself, inside someone's bag, being thrown not-too-gently into the cargo area of the airplane.

"That's it." A deep voice boomed.

The loading door slammed shut and Matt heard the engine roar to life minutes later. The redhead figured it safe to come out.

He unzipped the large blue duffel bag he had been hiding n and crawled out on top of a tiny red suitcase.

"I made it…" Matt murmured, reclining against another passenger's bag.

The aircraft took its speedy trip down the runway and Matt clung to a heavy suitcase so he didn't go soaring into the opposite wall. The plane took to the air; the gamer sighed and closed his eyes.

In his mind, icy blue eyes appeared before him… blue eyes he recognized to be Mello's; they looked deep into him, heart and mind… finding thoughts even he himself didn't know he had and… finding some that he did quite well. Those blue eyes knew exactly what he was feeling and thinking.

Matt blushed, but then shivered when he thought about what Mello would do if he found out Matt's thoughts about him and feelings for him.

"If I ever go back… I'll find out exactly what that reaction is…" Matt vowed before closing his eyes and slipping into a troubled sleep.

* * *

Mike… that's what his name was.

Mello slid away from his new techie, staring in disgust at the man. Mike had greasy brown hair, a pudgy face and enormous waste line.

The blonde truly understood now what people had meant by 'lazy Americans.'

Mello was Dutch, and the only American he knew really well was Matt. The redhead was lazy, but it didn't show… unlike Mike.

The couch groaned in protest when Mike repositioned himself slightly over the computer.

The brunette's skills were great, but they didn't compare to Matt's.

Mello propped his elbows up on his knees, sighed, and massaged his temple with his forefingers.

"What's wrong, boss?" Mike's surprisingly high-pitched voice asked. The shooter gave Mike a sideways glance before returning his gaze to a wrinkle in his leather pants.

The blonde sighed again and pushed a few strands of blonde hair away from his eyes. "Nothing, just keep working." Mello demanded irritably.

Mike simply nodded and went back to typing furiously on the keyboard.

Inside Mello's head, a mocking voice laughed, then sneered, "That fat ass can't type nearly as fast as Matt can."

* * *

Matt woke with a start when he felt his body being jerked along inside the bag he was currently occupying.

_Oh shit! How long have I been asleep? Where am I?!_ The gamer thought desperately. Taking a deep breath, Matt forced himself to gain composure. He listened to what was going on around him.

_I can't just listen and expect to get somewhere like Mello can!_ The redhead told himself.

Reaching slowly toward the zipper, Matt swatted away the red locks that covered his eyes. He silently opened the zipper and peered out through red-tinted goggles.

The gamer saw that he was on a conveyer belt; were the passengers come to pick up their luggage. Taking advantage of his timing, Matt squeezed his eyes shut and wished for the best.

Unzipping the bag in one quick motion, the gamer flew out of the bag and sprinted for an exit.

A door, window, whatever he could find… as long as he didn't get caught by security. The redhead easily spotted a door and dashed for it.

He shoved his way through the pushing crowd; brisk air met him as he passed through the crowded threshold.

_I get this is home for now…_ The gamer thought.

Matt strode down the sidewalk; a thought concerning Mello's safety tugging at his mind. He knew the blonde hadn't worked out all of the kinks in his risky plan.

Mello was planning to eliminate a group of homicidal Kira supporters… or at least attempt. Though it sounded relatively simple, this group had several members all over and a tight security system. If they spotted you trying to disturb their headquarters… they would send someone to kill you without hesitation.

Though the blonde knew these risks, Matt was sure Mello wouldn't beck down just because he, as the techie and driver, had left… he'd just find someone to take his spot.

Unsure of what to do, the redhead pulled out a cigarette and jammed it between his lips. He reached in his pocket and pulled out a lighter, igniting the tube that lay between his lips.

Taking a long drag from the cigarette, Matt walked over to a phone booth; relieved that the nicotine was calming his senses.

* * *

"No… he didn't…!" Mello yelled incredulously as he stared at the empty street where Matt's car had been.

"Matt… that bastard! He took the car even though he knows I need it for next Thursday!" The blonde yelled irritably. He slammed his fist against the brick wall of the apartment building, earning a few puzzled looks from people passing by.

Cursing under his breath, Mello climbed the stairs back to the apartment he used to share with Matt.

He reached the third floor and jammed a small key into the lock.

The shooter slammed the door behind him as he stormed in. Mello strode into the kitchen and grabbed a bar of chocolate.

The blonde pulled back the wrapper and bit into the cocoa-based treat. Feeling his anger dissipate slowly, Mello sauntered into the living room, only to walk right into a very flustered Mike.

"Boss! There's this weird guy on the phone, he says he needs to talk to you!" The brunette shrieked, trying to shove the phone into Mello's hands.

"Well, who the hell is it?!" The shooter demanded.

Mike recoiled slightly at the intensity in the other's voice.

"I don't know… all he said is that if I don't give the phone to you he'll set up a bomb that will blow my ass into next week…!" Mike recited, dropping the phone into Mello's hands and leaving the room in a hurry.

_Coward… _Mello thought.

The blonde hesitated before putting the device to his ear.

"Who the hell is this?" Mello inquired sharply.

There was a familiar chuckle on the other end. _"Just what kind of idiot did you replace me with, Mello? You find him at the 'Geek Squad gone bad' tea party?" _The voice asked teasingly.

The blonde was taken aback. "Matt?" He asked dubiously. Mello heard what sounded like an amused snort on the other end.

"_I believe that's what I'm called now." _Matt replied, his voice distorted from static on his end.

The shooter let out an aggravated sigh. "Where the hell are you?!" Mello demanded.

There was a pause on the other line. _"You know that's not the first thing on your mind." _Matt stated flatly.

Mello stayed silent.

"_Now, I was expecting more of a 'Matt, you bastard, burn in hell!' or maybe a 'Great Matt, you've really fucked things up for me now.'"_ The redhead suggested.

"Whatever, Matt! What did you call for then?" The blonde asked crossly.

* * *

Now it was Matt's turn to pause; holding the phone to his ear with his right hand and cigarette to his lips with the left.

"I was getting there." Matt replied, the teasing tone that had been in his voice was now nearly gone. "Did you read that note I left you?" The gamer asked after a moment's hesitation.

"_Yeah, what the f-"_

"I'm explaining that." Matt said nonchalantly, cutting off the blonde's sentence.

"I said something about how you don't like me as much as I like you, right?" The redhead asked, his voice taking on a deeper, thicker voice.

"_Yeah…" _Mello replied on the other line.

Matt sighed, choosing his next words carefully.

_I guess I can't wait until I physically see him again…_ Matt thought as he took a breath.

"Mello, what I meant by that… I… don't think of you as my friend… I can't." The gamer stated carefully.

"_Oh, so you're tired of taking my shit… and now hate me?" _The shooter asked indifferently.

Matt flinched… did Mello really not care whether or not he hated him?

"No," Matt replied after a moment, his voice barely a whisper and barely audible over the static, "Not at all, Mello, I…love you."

* * *

Heh... that's it for now... Tell me what you think.

By the way... the next chapter probably won't be up for awhile, me being lazy and all.

**_Emma, you better not be reading this story!!!_**


	4. Feelings, creeps, memories and revenge

**A/N: Sorry this took so long... I've been really busy and lazy. Um.. a few side notes... I imagined this taking place... after the Takada incident but Kira hadn't been captured... eh, I dunno'. I hope that this makes up for how long you've waited. :)**

**Warnings: Language, boyXboy, and stuff like that.**

**Disclaimer: Me no own Death Note.**

**I hope you guys like...**

* * *

When Matt heard no answer on the other line he took a deep breath; clutching the phone so tightly that his knuckles turned white

When Matt heard no answer on the other line he took a deep breath; clutching the phone so tightly that his knuckles turned white. After what seemed like hours to the redhead but in reality only minutes, Mello shifted the phone on the other end and spoke, "That's ridiculous, Matt. Stop being weird, are you going to get your ass back here or not?"

A lump formed in Matt's throat. His stomach was tying itself into knots, his heart felt as if a bullet had been lodged through it.

No, it hurt more than any bullet, much, much more.

Matt's gloved hands shook as he gripped the phone. His other hand clenched at his side, leaving crescent cuts on his palm. The redhead's mind searched for a response.

He choked on words he couldn't comprehend.

He couldn't breathe.

Just as suddenly as his emotions came they left. His hand now lay limply at his side. It shouldn't have been a surprise… what was he expecting? A mushy confession of love? He couldn't help but feel… disappointed.

The gamer exhaled, as if he was going to rid himself of all those emotions through that breath.

"No, Mello, I don't think I'll be coming back. You can manage without me." Matt said as nonchalantly as possible.

Mello took a breath to reply, but Matt hung up the phone with a slam, afraid of what his feelings for the blonde might drive him to say.

The redhead trembled, stumbling back and falling against the wall of the small booth.

The gamer looked at the ground, eyes wide with emotions; roughly running his fingers through his hair.

Matt tried to stop his mind from racing, tried to stop all of the thoughts going in and out of his head.

_If I die, will a game over screen pop up so I can just hit retry? Please?_ He thought desperately.

Matt took a deep breath and sank to the floor, his knees coming up beneath his chin. Clutching his legs close to him, Matt dug his finger nails into the denim-covered flesh of his thigh.

The gamer hid his face as a silent tear rolled down his cheek.

_Where can I stay?_ The redhead thought numbly.

Matt knew that all of this was going to hit him hard later. At the moment, Matt was thankful for the numbness.

* * *

Mello threw the phone back onto the couch.

"Damn it all!!" Mello shouted furiously, kicking the wall closest to him.

"Damn, damn, damn, damn!" Mello accented each curse with a kick to the wall.

The blonde stormed into the kitchen, the now dented wall abandoned, and snatched a bar of chocolate from the cabinet.

"Mike, you fucking coward, stop hiding in the bathroom!!" The blonde yelled across the apartment. A small click signified that Mike had opened the door, even if it was just a crack.

"Mike… now!!" The shooter yelled furiously, "Don't make me get you myself! God knows that'll be messy!!" He added threateningly.

The brunette came stumbling out of the bathroom; eyes filled with worry as he stared at the fuming blonde.

"W-who was that?" Mike dared to ask.

Mello sighed, his eyes softening the slightest bit.

"Matt." The blonde replied quietly, shifting his gaze to the trash-covered floor.

Mike made a choking sound, and Mello looked up. What was Mike… laughing (?) …at?

"That's that idiot that I replaced, right? Geez, what a pussy, running away just because you 'hurt his feelings.'" Mike mocked, laughing a strangled sounding cackle.

Mello's fist connected with the brunette's nose before Mike could calm down.

Said brunette yelped out in pain and doubled over holding his bloody nose.

"Don't insult Matt; you can't even come close to matching him… in anything. If Matt's a pussy, then no words can describe your cowardice and ignorance." The shooter hissed, rage coursing through his veins.

Mello stormed out of the apartment without a second thought; leaving his jacket on the couch, and slamming the door behind him. The blonde flew down the hallways and down the stairs, barely noticing the chilling rain that beat against his bare skin.

Mello slowed to a walk, his boots making heavy footfalls as he shuffled down the sidewalk.

Defeated, Mello sat down on a bench, elbows propped on his knees, cradling his head in his hands.

_What am I so angry about? I'm still pissed off and still have the urge to shoot Mike until he looks like Swiss cheese…_ The blonde's thoughts were interrupted when he heard quiet footsteps.

Mello looked up to see a man that appeared to be in his thirties approaching him.

"You look like you're in a bit of a problem." The man spoke with a deep voice and slight New Yorker's accent, his dark blonde hair covering his eyes.

"I… guess you could say that… my friend is being stubborn and won't come back to help me with… something." Mello replied vaguely. The man smiled, and unreadable emotion in his eyes.

"I know how you feel…" He said, taking a seat right next to Mello on the bench, "I know someone like that; no matter how many times I call him, threaten him, or show up at his apartment he won't come back to me… he said he's found someone else." He finished.

Mello started to feel uneasy. He had left his gun in his jacket, which was on the sofa, and this guy was starting to freak him out.

"What do you know; we have something in common…" The older blonde mumbled, inching closer to Mello. The shooter felt himselfflinch.

As if someone had just flipped on a switch in his mind, Mello realized how cold it was and shivered.

"Are you cold…?? Hmm… what is your name?" The man asked, giving Mello an innocent look.

Even though he knew it wasn't the smartest thing to do, the blonde replied, "Mello."

The older blonde smirked. "Mello?" The sinister smirk twisted his features, "I'm Kevin… So I ask you now, are you cold, Mello?" He asked in a slight whisper, leaning closer to him.

Mello felt Kevin's fingers touch his arm, sliding up to his shoulder and back down to his wrist in a slow motion. As Kevin got closer, Mello could feel his warm breath on his neck. He cringed.

"I can fix that…" Kevin said huskily in his ear, setting his hand on Mello's thigh, inching his hand farther up.

Mello reached for his gun, but remembered that he had left it at home.

_If Matt was here this wouldn't be a problem. Matt would kill that Kevin guy if he even looked at you the wrong way. He has always protected you…_ A voice in Mello's head whispered.

The blonde, with nothing else he could do, punched Kevin, his fist connecting with Kevin's jaw. In the second that Kevin was knocked away from him, Mello sprinted back down the sidewalk to the apartment.

* * *

Mello burst back into the apartment, his wet hair sticking to his face and neck. The leather he was wearing was incredibly slippery and uncomfortable.

The blonde looked around briefly for his chubby techie.

_Ran away because of a punch? Damn that's funny… and he was making fun of Matt…_

Mello peeled off the leather gloves that covered his hands, the water in his hair forming droplets at the edges, then falling down and splashing onto the laptop beneath him. The blonde didn't care, it was Mike's laptop anyway.

Throwing the wet gloves on a nearby table, Mello wandered over to the bathroom, deciding to take a well needed shower.

Mello let out a sigh, the hot water beating against his back. The blonde imagined all of his problems and stress going down the drain like the water at his feet. He couldn't deny that he was stressed. Mello let out another sigh, massaging shampoo through his blonde hair.

The shooter remembered what Matt always used to do when he found out that Mello was under stress.

_**Damn, would you quit doing this to yourself?**__He'd ask, looking at Mello with concerned, goggle-covered eyes. Mello would try to get him to leave with a dismissive gesture or two, but Matt would drag him away to bed and make him lay down._

_He'd leave for a couple minutes, and then come back with a freshly made chocolate shake. After Mello had downed the shake, Matt would insist that Mello take a nap. Sometimes the redhead would give him a back massage to help him sleep._

_The blonde recalled a few times that Matt had sung him to sleep. In Mello's opinion, Matt wasn't a bad singer; his voice neither too high nor too deep._

Mello sighed again, the now-cold water pulling him from his memories. The blonde stepped out of the shower and wrapped a bright red towel around his lithe body. Only when he looked in the mirror did he realize that the towel matched his face.

After shutting the shower off, Mello sauntered into his messy room, absently pulling on his boxers and a black, baggy pajama t-shirt of Matt's; why would Matt care if he wore his clothes? He wasn't even there.

Mello spread out on his bed, telling himself that he needed a break. Matt would have agreed. In his mind, Mello thought out his plans for the following day.

He needed some kind of transportation for his attack at the end of the week, so the blonde decided that the first thing he'd do tomorrow was break into one of Matt's garages and steal one of his motorcycles.

He figured that should be revenge enough on Matt for taking the car with him wherever he had gone. Revenge for Matt leaving would be much more severe, Mello decided, much worse.

* * *

So... sorry if this isn't what you hoped for... but this is how it goes! Review please, I need motivation!


	5. Plans

**A/N: Sorry for making you wait so long… so here it is. Um… I really don't have much to say except that I'll be trying to update sooner. I know this may not be written very well… but… stay with me…? Please…? **

**Warnings: shonen-ai, yaoi, swearing, and the next part in italics is kinda' dark and if you don't like that kind of stuff, I suggest you don't read it. :**

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* * *

**

_I tense up in the corner like I had been doing for the past four years when the door clicks open. _

"_Hey Mail… how's my favorite little boy..? Eh?" It says as it kneels next to me in the corner. _

_I look up in distress at the 32-year old man that caresses my cheek. I shutter and squirm away from his hand. _

"_Please… don't do this…" I whisper desperately_

_He ignores me and slides between my legs. His cold fingers are already at the waist band of my tattered jeans. He easily slides the denim pants down my hips; they're twice my size. _

"_S-stop…!" I whine as my thighs are exposed to the cold air of the room. He crawls aside for a moment to fully pull off my pants and remove his own. _

_He gets between my legs again and pushes his hard member against me. I cringe._

_He starts on my boxers; I try to get as close to the wall as possible to avoid his rough touches._

_That was a mistake._

_He hastily removes mine and his offending garments and pushes me firmly against the wall._

"_No… please no, stop…" I groan. He ignores me and grinds his hips against me, letting out a sound of satisfaction. _

_He pulls his white shirt over his head; revealing pale skin and a muscular body._

_He reaches toward me and pins my waist awkwardly to the wall. Cold, rough fingers reach up my shirt; grabbing, groping, and pinching before he finally removes the cotton barrier. _

_He stares hungrily at my pale body, and I move my arms to cover myself, but he takes my wrists and pins them behind me. _

"_I've got something new that will help me…" He says. He turns around a pulls something from his pants pocket. _

_He holds out a coil of rope with a vicious smirk on his face. He starts to tie my wrists together._

"_No!" I scream. I shove him off me with all the strength I have._

"_This doesn't happen to anyone else…! I-I know this isn't right! I hate this, I hate it all! I hate everything and everyone because of them and you! I hate it! Wh-why can't you just kill me?! Just… just go away!"_

_I stop yelling and look at him in horror. His face is twisted into the most sadistic and sick smirk._

"_Mail, Mail, Mail…" He starts. His voice has an edge sharp enough to cut me in half. He inches closer to me, "No one else has to do this because _their_ parents aren't crack heads!" He screams and slams my head against the wall. _

_I let out a small whimper and he pulls my face back to his by pulling on my hair. _

"_This is how your pathetic parents pay me for their crack, and I'm not about to be ripped off by a little twelve-year old brat!" It yells, shoving my face against a wall. _

_My nose is bleeding and I can taste blood from where I must have bitten my lip. I feel warm, sticky liquid dripping down my face from my forehead. The ends of my hair stick to my skin, the blood the glue. _

_He turned me around; my face on the floor now and I'm lying on my stomach. _

_I feel the bite of rope against my wrists as he roughly ties them. _

_I bite my bleeding lip and don't say anything as he pushes into me roughly. I whimper and barely choke down my urge to scream. _

_I can vaguely hear him moaning and grunting, buy my mind is buzzing from the burning, white-hot pain; I can hardly hear my own thoughts. _

_I feel him release inside me; a gross, sticky feeling between my legs._

_Bile burns the back of my throat as he starts pulling his clothes back on and whispers huskily into my ear, "good little Mail…" _

_My left cheek is on the hard floor and I watch the blood from my forehead drip onto my red hair. He walks out, the door squeaking as it shuts, his footsteps disappearing, and I puke up blood before my eyes slide shut; my wrists still tied tightly with the burning rope._

* * *

Matt woke up with a start, the white hotel sheets stuck uncomfortably to him thanks to the sheen of cold sweat all over his body.

He heard the faint sound of weather sirens wailing in the distance and the redhead got up and looked out the window at the dreary sight. Rain and hail pelted the busy street several stories beneath him.

Matt checked his wrists for rope, just to make sure. He sat back down on the bed… no rope.

The gamer sighed and pushed back his sweaty, red bangs. That dream had been so real… almost exactly like that day so long, yet not so long ago. The day before he ran away from home, the day that three weeks later exactly he was found by Wammy and taken to the orphanage that would change his life forever.

Perhaps that was the reason he started fighting crime in the first place; from his life with his parents that were stoned all the time, to life on the streets as a twelve year old. In his short lifetime he'd endured more than someone should have by the time they died.

But he wasn't complaining.

Matt got up and filled a glass of tap water from the small kitchen in his room. The hotel wasn't the best, but he didn't want anything big where he could be found.

He had paid for the room with another one of his identities, just to be on the safe side, and had collapsed into unrelenting sobs when he walked into his room. By late night he had somehow managed to get over to his bed… he ended up crying himself to sleep, in fact. Then he had that nightmare. The world wasn't on his side.

Again, Mello came into the gamer's thoughts as he drank his water.

Would Mello be okay?

Would it work?

Would anyone find him?

Will Mello get rid of them?

Or would they get rid of Mello…?

Matt didn't know what to do. He stared down at his glass of water; his hand splashing the water around violently from his shaking. _Still freaked out about that nightmare, I guess…_ He thought absently.

The redhead set the cup down and stared out the dirty window.

_I… love Mello, so what the hell am I doing…?! I should be there for him no matter what; I should be there to protect him! Not here pitying myself!_

He thought, suddenly angry at himself. Slamming his fist against the wall, Matt stood up abruptly.

"Dammit, it's not supposed to be like this… this isn't right. I used to always be there! Now I leave when he actually needs me?! W-what's wrong with me? I…"

The gamer paused in his rant, slightly out of breath. "I…"

Matt sank down to the floor. His energy felt drained, he felt like he had just gotten the wind knocked out of him… he felt like… he was getting shot with tons of bullets… again.

"I… how could I be so stupid?!" The redhead yelled again.

"I… I have to go back… if it's not too late, oh whatever god that exists, don't let it be too late! It's my fault, not his…" He mumbled frantically.

Matt ran through his room, collecting the few things he left scattered about.

"Augh… I'm such an asshole… such a douche bag! I can't let Mello deal with everything on his own! Hell, I can't let him deal with anything on his own!"

The redhead sighed in defeat, growing used to the feeling.

_I can't sneak onto another plane… that was way too hard and too risky. Steal someone's ticket? No… that might make a scene. I can't make it to L.A. by car and definitely not on foot…_

He racked his brain for ideas, but quickly shook off his first one.

_No… there's not way he'd…_ Matt sighed, what other option did he have? He might as well try…

He pulled out his phone and dialed a restricted number only a few people in the world were considered special enough to know. The other line clicked and Matt spoke.

"'Ello, Watari? It's Matt… Can I talk to L? … Hey! Yeah, I've got a _really_ big favor to ask…"

* * *

Mello found that busting into Matt's garage was harder than he had anticipated. There had been various alarm systems and doors that could only be opened by number codes; but Mello, with much determination, had made it thought and successfully taken a motorcycle.

_If Matt wasn't so damn paranoid I would've make it through a whole lot quicker! It took me the whole goddamn day!_

Mello rode the stolen vehicle back to his apartment, where he secured it in front of the building.

_This should work… No, it has to work!_ The blond thought.

In his original plan, that involved Matt, the blond was only going to do the shooting. His redheaded partner wasn't a bad marksman, though Mello _was_ better, he planned that Matt do more of the physical fighting.

The gamer had always been stronger than Mello, despite how lazy he could be. It'd always been that way; even when they were young Matt was a lot stronger than the blond, but somehow Mello was always able to beat the other in a fist fight.

In fact… Matt never seemed to fight back at all against Mello.

If all had gone as planned; the redhead would've been armed with a baseball bat to take out someone if they didn't want to make any noise.

But things hadn't gone as planned.

Mello figured he'd just drive through on his motorcycle where the guards stood (possibly running over the troublesome sentries) and shoot as many members as possible before assassinating the head of the group…

Then he'd just have to make a quick getaway.

Not the most brilliant of his plans, but that was the only way he could think of on such a short notice. He didn't really feel like thinking it through all the way, it was only him at risk, so he didn't take as much time making sure it was safe.

_Dammit Matt, why'd you have to go and screw this up?! This plan, my life… and yours…?! You're so fucking stupid!_

The chocolate addict stormed up to his once-shared apartment and slammed the door behind him, feeling angry about more than just his shaky plan.

Immediately the blond went into the kitchen, searching for his chocolate to comfort his raging nerves. Finding his sweet prize, Mello greedily ripped off the wrapper and took a bite.

The cocoa-based treat did nothing to soothe him and he sank down to the floor in defeat, resting his head against the dingy fridge.

_Tomorrow… dammit… tomorrow. I _can_ make it. I have to._

The mafia boss sighed and pulled his knees to his chest, closing his eyes.

_Maybe then things'll go back to normal._

Mello folded his arms on top of his knees, his forgotten chocolate bar held limply in his hand. He set his forehead on his bent arms.

_Maybe then Matt will come back. _

**I'd love some reviews... motivation? Cookies? Please? Constructive criticism is encouraged. :**


	6. Laidback, lazy and loyal

**A/N: Thank you for reviewers! It means a lot to me! : **

**Sorry for procrastinating once again, but as you can see this chapter is a bit longer than some. **

**_Warnings:_OOCness, slight violence, language, drama. Lolz**

**_Disclaimer:_ Me no own Death Note. ;**

**Enjoy!!**

Matt squirmed anxiously in his chair. Orange-plastic shielded eyes kept nervously glancing out the window, viewing the world from the clouds.

Pale fingertips touched a striped arm in a comforting manner.

"Don't worry, Matt-kun… we're almost there. This is the fastest jet in my possession."

Onyx eyes, uncharacteristically concerned, stared at Matt's profile.

The redhead turned to face the other, his lips curling slightly at the corners.

"Thanks, L." He murmured. The detective stared, unconvinced, at his third successor.

L rose from his crouched position, patting Matt on the head with his fingertips as he stood. "Buckle up, Matt-kun; we're descending to L.A. now."

Matt continued to stare out the window, a solemn expression on his face as he muttered, "Thanks for everything, L…"

Matt watched the raven-haired detective slink toward the front of the aircraft, his bare feet hardly making a sound on the lightly carpeted aisle.

Matt sighed as the white and denim clad detective entered the front compartment of the jet.

"I just hope that everything you've done is enough."

Three hours later

_How could I have let this happen…?_Mello asked himself.

Matt's motorcycle lay in a wrecked heap of metal just inside the entrance; the tires punctured with bullets.

His escape had been foiled… unsurprising since the plan had been so faulty.

_At least I succeeded…_Mello found comfort in knowing their leader now lay in a pool of blood because of him.

The blond lowered himself to his knees, as commanded, and slid his gun across the cracked pavement to the line of gunmen in front of him.

He could look over their shoulders to see the exit he had been so close to slipping through.

The guards at the entrance lay motionless on the ground, from Mello entering, the blood that once seeped from their foreheads now dried on.

The gunmen, five of them, had their backs to the entrance, all of their guns trained on the leather-clad figure before them.

Mello raised his gloved hands over his head, a cocky smirk on his lips, "Which one of you gets the honor of killing me, then?" Five guns cocking was his response.

Mello lowered his head, staring at the dirty pavement. The blonde's eyes widened in surprise when small droplets of moisture fell to the ground before him.

Squeezing his eyes shut, he found the tears spilling past his eyelids.

Mello took in a shaky breath, knowing it was one of his last.

_I'm… crying?_

Waves of regret washed over Mello as he looked back on his short life, there had been so many things leading up to a moment like this… the blond just couldn't believe this was it.

His last seconds.

There were so many things he would have changed… so many people he would have thanked.

Now he won't be able to.

His life had been so short; he'd never had the chance to see anything else but pain, abandonment, and violence.

It had been the way he lived.

But now… he wished he could've seen the other side of life.

Maybe happiness, acceptance or… love?

He'd never find out now.

Why now?

He never got a chance to ponder that question before a gunshot rang out; he squeezed his eyes shut for impact, and drew his final breath.

The blond heard something hit the ground, and wondered if he was a spirit outside of his body now… witnessing his own death.

But then another gunshot rang out, and something else hitting the ground.

Mello snapped his head up and saw two of the five gunmen face down, pools of crimson staining the pavement beneath them.

The remaining three looked around in confusion, aiming their guns in different directions, trying to find the source of the bullets.

The crack of the gunshot echoed off the walls of the hideout, making it sound as if the bullets could have been coming from any direction.

Another gunshot and one more gunman fell to the ground. The blond took this opportunity to crawl over to his gun.

With expert precision, Mello shot one of the gunmen between the eyes.

As their body fell to the ground the blond heard running footsteps and looked over in horror at more guards coming to stand in front of him.

The color drained from Mello's face when he heard a speeding car approaching; even him and his mystery assistance couldn't take down a whole truck full of armed men.

The guards before him aimed and cocked their guns, daring Mello to move with their eyes.

Then, all the gunmen in front of Mello turned around in surprise, attempting to run, but got rammed over by a familiar red sports car.

The blond took a moment to let a small, surprised grin form on his lips before shooing down as many other men as possible and running to the car.

Mello sprinted to the passenger side of the car, dodging bullets as he went.

Yanking the door open, Mello dove into the passenger seat. A striped arm reached over him and slammed the door shut.

The car sped away in reverse, then spun around and took off down the fairly-clear road.

The chocoholic cherished the familiar scent of cigarette smoke and, knowingly, righted himself on the seat and fastened his seatbelt.

Mello looked over at his best friend fondly, and current savior, with a barely-existent smile.

The blond sighed in relief and started to speak, "Matt, I-"

"Shut up and keep your head down. They're bound to follow us." Matt interrupted in a surprising firm voice. Smoke followed his statement through barely parted lips.

Usually the blond didn't take orders, but ducked his head down anyway.

Mello's blue eyes stayed focused on the redhead next to him.

"I know you're a genius, Mello… but, God, how could you be so damn stupid?!" Matt sounded angry, but Mello could slightly see tears in the corners of the other's goggle-covered eyes.

The redhead turned to face Mello as he spoke, "What would've happed if I hadn't been there?! You'd be dead, Mello. Dead! What the hell were you thinking…? God, if you died…" Matt trailed off, setting the hand that had once been wildly gesturing down on the steering wheel.

Mello could now easily see the tears threatening to spill over in Matt's eyes as he faced him. The latter sighed in defeat, turning back to the painfully long stretch of road in front of him.

Matt gnawed on his lower lip even when he tasted blood, trying to keep his mouth from revealing anything more than he wanted, vaguely aware of Mello's eyes on him.

Matt looked up through fiery-red bangs and orange plastic to glance up at the rearview mirror.

No cars following them.

Mello looked at the side mirror, seeing the road empty behind them.

"Maybe we scared them off." Mello stated in a half-joking manner, hoping to lighten the dark mood that had settled.

"Hm. Or we killed too many of them and they gave up. Or worse, they're waiting until we're unprepared to attack us." Matt replied indifferently.

Mello frowned in response; Matt had never been one to be upset for a long period of time, so why was he being stubborn now?

He pulled the car to the side of the road next to their apartment. Matt turned off the roaring engine and slid out of the car, slamming the door shut after him.

Mello climbed out as well, shutting the door a little softer than his friend.

The gamer flicked his cigarette butt to the pavement and ground it out with the heel of his boot. The redhead turned to look at his blond friend, folding his arms on top of the roof of his car.

Emerald eyes examined Mello carefully through goggles and shaggy bangs. He watched every blink, every breath, the way his hair blew across his face in the breeze, the way his lips parted when he sighed, how his eyes looked at anything but him, and how his precious person, his best friend, was still miraculously alive.

Matt cherished every moment, and after the recent near-death experience of his beloved, didn't take anything for granted.

He was scaring Mello with how he was acting… it was so unlike him. He needed to just act natural, like usual. Laid-back, lazy and loyal.

Matt sighed and dropped his gaze to the littered cement beneath him.

Unfolding his arms, Matt pushed himself away from the car and went around to the other side where his partner in crime stood.

Matt stopped a small distance away from the chocoholic and looked up at him with a nearly non-existent smile as he tried to muster something to say.

The gamer raised a hand to set on Mello's shoulder, but stopped and slowly brought his hand back down to his side when he saw something near annoyance flare up in the other's icy eyes.

Matt cleared his throat and wet his lips, scratching the back of his neck awkwardly.

"Uh… so they didn't hurt you? You're okay…?" Matt mentally kicked himself for sounding so stupid and for not asking sooner, but anticipated the other's response.

"I'm fine. Just a few cuts and bruises, nothing severe."

Matt nodded dumbly in response; he offered a small, painfully fake smile after a few moments. "Should we go inside?"

Mello shrugged, but walked in front of Matt, over the curb, and through the door anyway.

Mello wasn't quite sure how to act now that Matt was back and acting… the same as usual minus his outburst in the car-he had been a little more animated than usual.

Had he imagined that phone conversation with Matt? Yet again, did he expect Matt to act love struck?

Mello glanced over his shoulder to confirm that Matt had followed him and was met with the sight of Matt walking slowly after him, eyes focused on the ground.

Matt had been somewhat quiet, as if he was thinking, Mello reasoned, but otherwise he seemed the same.

As they reached their door and entered Mello decided to confront the other about it… in his own way.

"What the hell is with you?" Icy blue eyes bore into Matt's skull with lethal intensity

The latter cocked his head to the side, quirking an eyebrow.

"What do you mean…? Something wrong?"

The blond stared incredulously at the other's nonchalance.

"Of course something's fucking wrong! You disappear for a week, only coming back to do a half-assed job of you original task, and then act like nothing happened!"

Rage spread like wildfire through Mello's veins; his fists clenched at his sides and eyes piercing Matt with a lethal glare.

Matt's red hair fell away from his goggles as he looked up, just enough to be able to see his eyes behind orange plastic.

The redhead's arms went lips at his sides as he mumbled in a defeated tone, "How do you want me to act, Mello? I don't know anymore. I'm just trying to act normally so it's not weird for you, so you can be at least a little at ease and happy. Is that so bad? You know I'd do _anything_ for you, so what is it this time? Who do I have to be for you to finally be happy? Tell me and it's done!"

Matt started to sound slightly eccentric and Mello watched him in confusion.

"Matt, that's not what I-"

"Yes it is! I get it!"

"No, Matt, you don't. I-"

"No, I do get it. I don't care, alright?!"

"Matt, I just-"

"You what? That's all I'm asking! You know I'd do anything! I'd die for you any day, you know that! So why can't you see that I know what I'm talking about?"

"Because you don't! Would you just shut up and listen to me?!"

Matt's breaths were short and quick, his wide, tear-rimmed eyes stared at Mello, looking so lost; his calm, uncaring demeanor crushed.

The redhead took a quick, shaky breath to protest, but Mello took a warning step forward.

"Shut up, Matt! I don't want to hear it!"

Matt bit his lip and recoiled slightly, seemingly content to hear the blond out.

"Don't twist my words, I hardly said anything for you to mangle my words the way you did! I don't know where this is coming from, and I'm not sure why you think acting normally will help anything! I want answers!

"You were gone and I had no idea where you were! I had no idea what you were doing or if you were even still alive! You say you know what I'm asking but you don't. You don't have a clue. You say you understand, but you don't!

"Anyway, then you called me and said some bizarre things… I must have imagined it, because, dammit Matt, you said you loved me and it sure doesn't seem that way! If you did you'd know what I'm trying to say, you wouldn't go crazy on me like you just did! You wouldn't make me explain this to you!

"Dammit Matt, if you loved me you just wouldn't have left me in the first place!"

* * *

**Did I have you for a second there? Lolz**

**Cookies and reviews please.**

**Constructive criticism is welcome!!**


	7. What did you think about?

**A/N: I'm back! Haha… So, yeah, haven't updated for like… 3 months. Hehe… sorry 'bout that. Uhm, as you'll notice I put the last part of the last chapter at the beginning otherwise the beginning of this chapter will be a bit confusing. Hopefully this chapter will help explain what happened in the past and stuff… so… hopefully it'll answer any questions you had or something… :/**

**Thanks for sticking with me and the awesome reviews because believe it or not they helped this chapter come out… Things just have not been good for me recently so… yeah. So, consider this update a late Christmas present or… an early New Year's present?**

**Happy holidays everyone!**

**Warnings: hints of boy/boy romance (you should know that by now if you're this far!), swearing, sensitive material, OOCness!**

**

* * *

**

_Matt bit his lip and recoiled slightly, seemingly content to hear the blond out._

"_Don't twist my words, I hardly said anything for you to mangle my words the way you did! I don't know where this is coming from, and I'm not sure why you think acting normally will help anything! I want answers! You were gone and I had no idea where you were! I had no idea what you were doing or if you were even still alive! You say you know what I'm asking but you don't. You don't have a clue. You say you understand, but you don't! Anyway, then you called me and said some bizarre things… I must have imagined it, because, dammit Matt, you said you loved me and it sure doesn't seem that way! If you did you'd know what I'm trying to say, you wouldn't go crazy on me like you just did! You wouldn't make me explain this to you! Dammit Matt, if you loved me you just wouldn't have left me in the first place!"_

* * *

Matt sank to the floor silently as if thinking about all of this, bowing his head and staring at the floor wordlessly. He brought a gloved hand to his forehead after a moment.

"I know… I know…" Matt mumbled, his voice slightly more calm. "That's why… I came back." The redhead admitted quietly, looking up at the blond briefly before staring back at the ground.

"I should always be with you… no matter what." The gamer started again with a shaky voice, searching the ground with his eyes as if it had all the answers he needed.

"I should be here to protect you, even if you don't want my help. I should be here to make things a little bit easier for you, even if it means taking falls or bullets…" Mello winced at the thought and heard Matt take a deep, shaky breath… but then let out a choked kind of laugh.

The former eyed the redhead suspiciously and Matt peered up at the blond with an almost non-existent smile.

"And there are some things you just shouldn't try to do yourself that I should be here for…" the redhead started, laughing lightly, "I mean…how many times did you have fast food or just plain chocolate for dinner?"

Mello scoffed at his red-haired partner, striding over and giving Matt a merciless noogie, which only made Matt laugh more.

"Ow, ow, ow! Okay, okay!" The redhead managed to sputter through his laughter. Reaching up and grabbing the other's wrists, Matt rolled out of Mello's reach.

The redhead rubbed his tortured head and tried to fake a pout, but his attempts were foiled by the smile on his lips and the moisture in eyes for an entirely different reason than before.

Mello looked down at his red haired partner, his friend, and smiled just slightly. Matt's eyes suddenly lit up like they always did when he got an idea and he stood up abruptly.

"Hang on one second, okay? I'll be right back!" Matt insisted, holding his hands up to Mello, palms out, before disappearing into the other room.

The blond sighed and rolled his eyes, but sank down onto the couch anyway. The springs creaked under his weight and Mello swung his legs up onto the arm rest, ignoring all of the couch's protests.

A wave of relief washed over him. Saying Matt had scared him would've been an understatement… he was terrified… and he had hated it. He hoped things would be okay now; some of the tension seemed to have been lifted.

He wanted Matt to stay this time, and for that to happen he'd have to change a few things… including how he acted towards the redhead. But how was he supposed to know Matt was sensitive if he never showed it?

The person in question came in through the door at that moment, his heavy boots making a hollow thud against the wood flooring.

"Here ya' go." Matt said in an almost sing-song tone. He handed Mello an icy glass over the back of the couch. It was filled with one of Mello's favorites; it was the best thing Matt could make in Mello's opinion: a chocolate milkshake. The blond felt a warm tingling in his abdomen and an overwhelming sense of gratitude as he took the glass.

"I'm surprised he milk wasn't spoiled…" Matt mumbled teasingly, earning himself a withering look from the other male in the room. Seeing the couch completely occupied by the blond, Matt simply leaned over the back of the couch and watched Mello out of the corner of his eye.

The blond was absently sipping the cool drink, his eyes unfocused as if his mind was somewhere else.

"I guess that's my apology…" Matt started, an ashamed look on his face, "for running out on you and freaking out just now and-"

"I would've done the same, Matt." Mello interrupted, his unfocused eyes on the floor. Matt quirked an eyebrow, "Really?" He asked dubiously.

The redhead came around to the front of the couch and kneeled on the floor in front of the blond, "of course," Matt started coolly, "You won't have to 'cause _I'm not_gonna' be an asshole." He finished, smiling and nodding until Mello glared half heartedly at him.

Matt flinched, "_Not_that you're an asshole! You weren't being an ass, that's not what I meant!" He added quickly, realizing how Mello could take offense to his previous statement.

Mello sighed, "No, Matt, I _was_ being an ass. That's what I meant; if I were you I would've left a long time ago. I don't know how you put up with me anymore."

Matt's eyes widened, "Well, uh… okay then…" Matt cleared his throat awkwardly, "What happened…?"

Mello looked at him quizzically over the rim of his frosty glass. Matt chucked lightly at the sight, but then coughed to discreetly, or so he thought, cover his amusement.

"I mean… you've changed. Usually you'd never admit to being an ass… usually you'd just say I was being a girl and that was that." Matt said with slight amusement, watching the blond to see his reaction.

Mello rolled his eyes, but then realized that what he said was probably true. "Uh… Near death experience?" He offered lamely, finishing off his milkshake in one gulp.

The blond leaned over Matt and set his empty glass on the table. Pulling his hand back, Mello sunk into the couch cushions and folded his arms over his chest.

Matt frowned at the other's response, but realized it might not be far from the truth, even if he had just said it to avoid the subject.

"What did you think about?" The redhead asked, his voice and expression suddenly serious.

Mello looked confused for a moment, but then took a deep breath and lowered his eyes. "I… I-" Mello stopped and sighed, suddenly baffled and embarrassed by the simple question.

A couple minutes of thoughtful silence passed before Matt spoke, "I'll tell you what I thought about… when Takada's bodyguards were shooting at me…" Matt paused and noticed that Mello was watching him in anticipation.

The redhead was almost happy; he loved when he could seriously talk to Mello without any yelling or swearing at each other. Matt folded his legs underneath himself with his hands in his lap.

Glancing up quickly to make sure he still had Mello's attention, Matt continued, "I wondered if it was really the end… I thought about the things I was never able to do, the things I was never able to say… who I'd never become. I realized that I wouldn't live to see my eighteenth birthday.

"I told myself that I was dying for a cause-that because I had been there that Kira would be caught… maybe I'd be remembered for something, I'd be important. I'd be remembered as Mail, not just the kid in the stripes… it sounds vain, doesn't it?"

Matt hesitated, there was no turning back now, "I thought about you. Overall I _hoped_ that because I was dying you'd be okay… But, selfishly enough, I wished that you'd be there when I died. Because I realized that I should have told you how I felt before it was too late. I realized that I should have told you before that moment.

"That whole time, when I was being shot at until I was laying in the street bleeding… I secretly wondered if this is what I had wanted the whole time-if I wanted to die… because if I died, I wouldn't have to deal with the hurt or the confusion or the regret.

"As everything went black… I don't even remember if I was crying or if I was smiling… I just remember that I woke up in the hospital and the doctors were leaning over me and they were telling me to relax, that I was safe, that they'd help me and Kira had been caught and that… you were okay.

"And… I just smiled at them, as well as I could at the time, and… passed out again. I guess that was a little off topic, but…" Matt finished, drawing in a shaky breath.

He was exposed, vulnerable. He had told Mello his deepest feelings; he couldn't remember a time he had been so worried about the blonde's response as he watched Mello take it all in.

Mello was sitting up now, his elbows propped on his knees and his forehead resting on his hands. The blond swallowed hard and took in several shaky breaths before speaking quietly, solemnly, "well, I didn't think as much as you because I was rescued before any harm actually came to me… but…"

The blond hesitated as a warm tear slid down his cheek. He hoped his hands were covering his face enough that Matt couldn't see… he knew Matt would feel guilty. But what Matt had thought that day… Mello wanted to tell him he would always remember him as Mail, his best friend.

He wanted to tell him that he would want to be there for Matt when he died because he wouldn't want to be alone without the redhead. He wanted to tell Matt not to ever think about dying as an escape. He wanted to tell the redhead to stay… forever. He wanted to ask Matt what would've happened to them if he had known of Matt's feelings before.

Just remembering that day when Matt had almost died… seeing his motionless form next to his car on that little TV screen had made his heart drop.

Driving in that truck alone he apologized over and over again to Matt who he prayed to still be alive… and to think that Matt had been concerned about _him_!

He had stopped the truck then and went in the trailer, intending to just get on his motorcycle and get to Matt, but he had caught Takada writing his name on a slip of paper she somehow still had.

He had snatched it away before she had finished and he had had evidence… But hell, Mello hadn't even cared when they caught Kira. He had rushed to Matt and wouldn't let the redhead out of his sight until they reached the hospital.

He couldn't even start to explain the relief he felt when Matt opened his eyes.

Mello felt more tears wetting his face and he knew Matt would see him-Matt had always been observant.

"Mello? Mello, are you…?" Matt asked worriedly, cautiously reaching towards the blond. Mello lifted a finger from his face to show Matt to wait.

He heard the redhead sigh, but slowly sink back down onto his heels and wait patiently.

"I just though about how short my life had been… and how wrong the way I treated people –you- was. I couldn't believe it was the end, really. I thought of everything I should've done differently… when I thought about people I wronged I guess I was thinking about you since you're always around…"

Mello's voice cracked and he paused to take a breath. The blond continued before Matt could interrupt, "I should've thanked you… I should have respected you, I should've appreciated you. I had thought that I had only seen violence and pain… and abandonment, that I'd never see the other side of things, but now I realize I was wrong.

"You were there, you didn't abandon me-you cared. You always would try to make me happy, but I just took it for granted. Strangely enough, you loved me, you still do and all this time I hadn't realized it.

"I didn't realize that I wasn't alone and there was someone there for me… I think about it now and I don't even remember why I decided to go into that stupid hideout. Kira has been caught… why should I have cared that they might have another little, inferior Kira? _Near_ could've handled that without almost getting killed!"

Mello choked on saying 'Near,' but kept down the temper that threatened to come up with the pale boy's name, "It was just bound to go wrong… and had you been there you probably would've died… I don't know what I was thinking.

"Matt, I'm so sorry…" Mello finished, sounding broken and confused.

Matt couldn't help it anymore; he couldn't stand to see Mello like this. He got up and sank next to Mello on the couch. Wrapping his arms around the blonde's shoulders, Matt pulled the other against his chest, hoping Mello wouldn't try to squirm away.

The blond tensed and Matt feared he'd be pushed away. But soon Mello relaxed against the redhead with his face buried in Matt's shoulder and his arms uncertainly wrapped around the other's middle.

Matt let Mello cry silently in his arms. _Just like in Wammy's, _Matt thought wistfully, pulling Mello closer.

Mello inhaled the scent of cigarette smoke and the other smells that made Matt smell uniquely… Matt and smiled fondly. _Just like in Wammy's…_

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**Again, Happy Holidays!! Critique along with reviews are always welcome!**


	8. Things Unknown

**A/N: The long awaited chapter! (Just pretend you were waiting so I feel better, 'kay?) So… my excuses are; homework, projects, personal problems, etc. I know, I know, I have no excuse! I'm lazy, I know. Sorry! Here it is; hopefully it makes up for the wait. :]**

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Matt woke slowly, cracking open a tear-crusted eye, but shutting it against the harsh lights that had been left on. He could feel the pressure of his goggles, which had shifted up during his sleep that now pressed against his forehead; he was almost positive it had left an unsightly red blotch.

Sliding his arm out from underneath the heavy warmth pressed to his front, the redhead propped himself up with an elbow and rubbed wearily at his eyes.

He pushed his goggles back into place and made to leave, but stopped when he realized a certain leather-clad blond stubbornly clinging to his torso.

Smiling lightly, the gamer slid back down onto his side, careful not to wake the blond with his movement. Mello's face was calm, content, and his lips weren't pressed in a frown or scowling; a rare sight.

Matt watched his friend's chest rise and fall slowly with fondness, not being able to stop his lips curl up at the corners. Mello gripped tighter onto the gamer in his arms as the latter started to squirm. Matt paused, his heart pumping blood fast enough for two.

Afraid the other would notice; the redhead jumped out of Mello's grasp and onto his feet. The blond groaned and rolled over, but didn't wake up- much to Matt's relief.

_I'm such a weird… ass. _Matt chided himself, chuckling half-heartedly. He wasn't sure if he was upset with himself over almost waking Mello up, or sleeping so close to the other.

Would Mello regret talking with him the night before? If he did, Matt was only hurting himself by getting his hopes up that they really might have had something…personal.

Matt shuffled groggily over to the kitchen door, kicking himself when he let it slam shut by accident.

_If he wasn't awake before, he is now._ Matt thought, stepping over to a small drawer by the refrigerator. He pulled it open and searched through it quickly, looking for his "hidden" stash - that apparently hadn't been hidden well enough.

Mello had found it, most likely, for he found that all his cigarettes were gone. _Of course…_

Figuring the blond had already woken up; Matt strode out into the main room only to find Mello still lost in his slumber. There went his plan to guilt trip the blond.

Sighing, Matt figured he could just wait it out; so he could tell Mello where he was going so the blond wouldn't yell at him later.

_Then again_, Matt argued with himself, _it's just a convenience store; it won't take long. _

The urge for nicotine tugging at his senses was enough to make up his mind, and the redhead swiped the car keys from the coffee table in front of the couch. He headed out the door, groaning in defeat, and shut the door as quietly as possible.

In the dim, musty hallway; Matt couldn't help but shake the feeling that something was about to go terribly wrong.

* * *

Mello woke with a start due to an uncustomary clattering in the room.

"Matt? That you? What the hell are you doing…?" The blond grumbled, still groggy from slumber.

Mello stood dizzily and looked around the room for his red-haired friend; the only light aiding him in his search was the sunlight filtering through the slotted blinds through dingy windows.

"Matt!" The blond called, stumbling into said redhead's room. His brow furrowed in confusion when he found it empty.

Mello suddenly became aware of his surroundings; something was off. He listened closely as he backed out of the room; was that just his breathing, or…

The blond made to turn around, but froze in his tracks when the barrel of a gun came into view. The assailant cocked his gun and pressed the end to Mello's temple.

The blond swallowed hard, raising his hands in surrender. He was disgusted with himself; how had he not noticed someone else was there? He should have known it wasn't Matt.

Mello's stomach lurched: Matt. Where was he? Had Matt been found first? If so, then…? The blond could feel his breathing pick up as his eyes flitted about the room, looking desperately for his partner.

The attacker laughed, a cold and humorless sound, and pressed the gun a little harder against Mello's head. "Yes, yes, where is he? Hm?"

The blonde's eyes widened and he ground his teeth. "What the fuck did you do with Matt?!" Mello demanded, his whole body trembling in a mix or fear and anger he'd only felt once before for the redhead; the one instance he'd feared the redhead would leave him forever. The instance he'd forever blame himself for.

"I wouldn't be making accusations like that in your position." The other said in a tone that implied this was all very amusing. The stench of stale alcohol was evident on the man's breath.

"What did you do to him?!" Mello demanded again, attempting to get free of the man. The attacker grabbed a fistful of the blonde's hair in response and pushed his face against the wall.

"I didn't do anything. I'm wondering the same thing you are - where is he?"

Mello grit his teeth and struggled against the wall and the man's grip, but was only gripped tighter. "So, Mello, let's both wait for little Mail together, shall we?"

The blonde's eyebrows shot up, but he quickly masked his surprise and rising panic. "I don't know what you're talking about." Mello insisted, feigning calm.

The attacker laughed icily. "Don't you, Mello? I know you live with Mail, or what did you say his fake name was… Matt? Don't act stupid; I saw you both."

Mello mentally kicked himself – how could he have been so stupid?!

"You met him four years ago, didn't you?"

The blond tensed; how did this man know so much?

"The supposed little orphan, Mail Jeevas," the attacker continued while grinding the gun against Mello's temple, "All bruised, dirty, quiet, a little shy and introverted when he showed up… yet somehow a genius, right?"

The blond took a sharp breath and squeezed his eyes shut. _Matt, wherever you are, get away from here, far away. Don't come back, please… hear me._

"What did they tell you happened to his parents? Car accident, maybe? No. Your little Mail is a fake, a liar as always. His parents are still alive."

Mello's eyes snapped open at this; Matt had been lying to him…? No, he couldn't trust this bastard. Or could he…? Everything else; he had been accurate. "The little brat ran away because he couldn't take it." The assailant finished bitterly.

The blond was confused, and he figured it showed when the man laughed and nudged his head with the gun; an action he was getting far too familiar with. "Go ahead, ask me why."

It made Mello sick to take the man's bait as he gnashed his teeth painfully, but he had to know, "What did he run from?"

Mello could practically feel the attacker smirk. "Me."

Mello stifled a shiver, and the man continued. "His parents are helpless crack addicts… and I fuel that addiction. Of course, after an extended period of time, they ran out of money. The only thing they had left was their one and only son, Mail."

Mello screwed his eyes shut, "No, no, no, no…" The blond mumbled, suddenly realizing where this was going.

"Every time I supplied them, I got to do whatever I pleased to Mail as payment. He didn't like it, but he learned to be… obedient." The man's voice was mocking, almost taking on an eerily sing-song tone.

Mello shook his head the best he could to try to rid himself of the images coming to his head and the hot tears that threatened to spill down his face. He'd always thought Matt was obedient; now he knew why. Why hadn't Matt ever said anything…?

The blond barely stifled a sob at his friend's expense, and he felt the familiar burning rage rise up in him instead.

"Who am I, you wonder? Kevin, do you remember me Mello? I guess we were looking for the same person then, too. What a coincidence."

Mello did remember meeting the older blond. _If I hadn't been so stupid, so reckless, maybe this wouldn't be happening…_

Mello's thoughts were cut short when he heard fumbling at the door and it clicking open.

"No, Matt, get out of here!" Mello screamed, but Kevin was quicker and dropped Mello, running to the door.

Mello got to his feet and ran after him, watching in horror as Kevin pulled Matt into the room and slammed the door.

The redhead had already drawn his gun and had it pointed at Kevin, confusion written on his face.

"It's good to see you again, little Mail." Kevin said in a sickly sweet voice.

Matt's eyes widened as recognition crossed his features, his gun feel to the floor with a clatter. He backed away from his childhood menace, his hands visibly shaking.

"K-Kevin…!"

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Comments?

They make me write faster...!


	9. Crimson

**A/N: Okay, I'm a dirty liar, I know. *dodges missiles and daggers***

**I said I'd update in a few weeks, but weeks turned into months and… neh. Anyways, school's done for the year, but I'm going to be pretty busy this summer… next update will most likely come next month. But don't take my word on that… eh heh… Enjoy! This one is… important. Drama filled. Drop a review, please!**

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_Flashback:_

_Matt's eyes widened and his gun fell to the floor with a clatter. He backed away from Kevin, his whole body shaking. "K-Kevin…!"_

--

Kevin chuckled, "Nice to see you, too."

"Back off, asshole!" Mello yelled, charging the other blond.

In one fluid motion, Kevin picked up Matt's discarded weapon and aimed it at Mello's forehead, cocking it with a metallic click.

Mello froze, begrudgingly raising his arms above his head.

"Why are you here?" Matt asked in a small and somewhat shaking voice. Kevin turned on Matt and eyed him as if he were surprised, "Just to see you, of course, my pet." He answered sarcastically, moving in on the redhead.

Mello could only watch helplessly as his best friend was slowly being cornered by his childhood nightmare. He could only watch as the frightened redhead desperately searched for any kind of weapon just to come up empty-handed.

Kevin's gun was still trained on him, as if the man could see him perfectly, though his eyes were fixed on Matt.

"You and I – no; we all know why I'm here." Kevin murmured once he was within a few inches of the gamer, glancing at Mello mid-sentence.

Realization hit Matt like a train; Kevin had told Mello everything. About the drug dealing, the abuse, the rape – Kevin didn't want any witnesses. Therefore, Matt realized, they both shared the same fate today – death.

The redhead glanced at his partner, hoping he could see the unvoiced apology in his eyes. The apology for letting this happen - in the past and now, not being there and not being strong enough. The apology for getting him mixed up in his problems. The apology for what was going to inevitably happen.

Indeed, Mello saw his apologies, but he refused to accept them. He refused to let Matt _and_ himself die like this.

As Kevin's back was turned, Mello slowly lowered his arm and fingered his cell phone in his pocked. He prayed to god he hit the right sequence of numbers correctly seeing as he hadn't taken the phone out to avoid being noticed.

_Please, please get here… Before it's too late. _He begged silently, returning to his previous raised-arm positing.

"So… who's first?" Kevin asked casually, as if talking to a friend over dinner.

Matt eyed Mello again with the same apologetic and sorrowful look, but this time with barely restrained tears on the brim of his emerald orbs. He looked down as they spilled, took a shaky breath, then looked up to face his fate.

"Me."

Kevin looked mildly surprised and shot a glance at him. After a few moments he broke into a twisted smile, "Oh, so that's what it is, Mail? You liked our little 'experiences' together, didn't you?

"You're _gay_ for this little blond slut, aren't you? How bold of you to volunteer. But you wouldn't be able to handle watching you lover die, would you?" Kevin remarked wickedly, flicking his eyes between the two.

Matt remained silent, his eyes locked on the ground.

Kevin's fist flew and connected with Matt's temple, effectively breaking the redhead's goggle strap and sending them flying. "How about you look at me and answer, huh? You little shit!" Kevin yelled, throwing another punch that landed on Matt's cheekbone.

The redhead stumbled slightly and his back fell against the wall behind him; yet he refused to look up at his attacker.

Mello took a step towards them, intending to stop the next hit that Matt was surely going to receive, but Kevin whipped to face him.

"Take another step and you can say goodbye to the other half of your face."

Mello glanced at his partner, seeing Matt's silent plea for him to just stay put. Mello obliged, hoping Matt had some kind of plan that would get them both out alive; but knowing that Matt fully intended to stall Kevin and get himself killed – so Mello could escape with his life.

As always.

The blond realized then that he knew what it meant to be too loyal, too dedicated. But to him…?

"I suppose, for old time's sake, I'll take you up on your request, Mail." Matt squeezed his eyes shut and braced himself for the worst.

Mello's eyes widened as Kevin moved the gun away from him and towards Matt, all the while wondering why he had to watch his best friend die a bloody death, his best friend that was still so young and never quite had the chance to live his life to the fullest.

Mello reacted purely out of instinct, not quite knowing what had happened until he saw his own arm shoot out and knock the gun out of Kevin's hands, only to be sent sprawling to the floor by the force of the hit he took from Kevin's elbow.

"You little fucker!" Kevin screamed, closing in on Mello's crumpled form. The younger blond shielded his face with his hands, but never got the hit he expected.

He looked up to see Matt jump him from behind, his arms locking tightly around the man's neck. Kevin stumbled, getting dizzy from his deteriorating oxygen supply, but he rammed Matt's back against the wall.

The force of the hit knocked the wind out of the redhead, causing the grip he had on the other man to loosen considerably. Kevin slipped out of the hold and turned on the gamer.

Kevin pinned him there with is forearm pressed against the other's trachea. Matt let out a choked sob as he clawed desperately at the older blonde's arm.

Mello crawled over to the two and dove at Kevin's legs, but received a foot in his face instead of getting Kevin to fall to the floor. The younger blond slid a few feet, and looked up to see Matt deliver a sound punch to Kevin's stomach.

Kevin backed up and covered where he was hit with one arm, blocking another one of Matt's punches with the other.

The intruder delivered a punch of his own to Matt's ribs, causing the redhead to double over. Kevin grabbed a fistful of Matt's hair and yanked his head up to face him.

"Now you _will_ die." He breathed, pulling a knife from his jacket.

The redhead cried out as the knife was plunged deep into his abdomen - then ripped back out. His face paled and he slid to the ground, a crimson stain growing and seeping through his striped shirt.

Mello stared wide-eyes and screamed in disbelief, praying this was all a nightmare or that this wasn't his life, but Kevin came towards him with a sadistic smirk and a knife covered in Matt's blood.

"Your turn."

The world was blurry from Mello's tear-filled eyes, but he heard the door fly open and his mafia agents come in yelling and shooting.

Seeing he was outnumbered, Kevin fled the scene by breaking through the nearest window and down the fire escape.

Mello hurried over to Matt's side, screaming at his men for responding to the call too late.

"Matt! Matt, please, wake up! Matt!!" The blond screamed, hardly acknowledging the hot tears streaming down his face as he stared at the motionless form of his partner.

As the pool of blood beneath them grew, Mello feared he might be too late; that there weren't going to be any miracles this time to save Matt's life, and that this time he really would lose the redhead forever.


	10. Giving Up

**A/N: Back again! And, like I promised to my darling readers, a new chapter hot off the press; filled with lots of sorrow and drama. A little OOCness, but that can't be helped. Unfortunately, this week hasn't been good to me…my kitty ran away! D: **

**Anyway, that has nothing to do with Matt or Mello so you probably don't care. In that case… here's the chapter! Enjoy.**

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Matt's eyes, barely cracked open, slid shut. He had done his job. Mello was safe and Kevin was gone. He had fulfilled his purpose. Sure, Kevin had escaped, but now the Mafia knew his face and he'd be beaten down if he ever came after Mello.

"Matt, don't you die on me, God dammit!" The blond yelled and grabbed Matt's hand, but to Matt, all the noise was so far away.

A stab wound like this _shouldn't _kill him, Matt figured… but it _could_ – that's where the beauty of it was. The redhead wasn't sure he wanted to escape death again. He'd done all he could bare to do in this life.

Things were too painful, too complicated. He wasn't dying young – he'd never been treated like he was young and he'd never acted like it, so it was simply his time.

Matt let go.

He stopped fighting; letting his body take him to that mysterious darkness that seemed to beckon him from the edge of consciousness.

Mello panicked as he felt the redhead getting colder under his touch. The ambulance – he had called them right away – so why weren't they here? Why weren't they saving Matt?!

"Matt, you fucking coward! Keep fighting! Matt, you can't do this!! Matt…!" Mello's screaming turned into pitiful sobs as he clung to Matt's hand, wishing his warmth would transfer to the body growing colder at an alarming rate.

Minutes passed and paramedics stormed the room, retrieving Matt from the floor and separating him from Mello.

"Where's my miracle?!" Mello yelled, rushing at one of the medics only to be held back by a few more, "Huh?! You're too fucking late, aren't you?! He's dead, isn't he?! You're supposed to save him!

"So where's my fucking miracle?! Where…?! Why…?" Mello screamed, fighting against his retainers until he collapsed to the floor in sobs.

Moments later, he stood and shoved away anybody before him, running to the window where the ambulance was parked at the curb. He watched them load Matt's body, now on a stretcher, carefully into the back.

The blond ran after them.

He _had_ to know; was there hope?

Mello ran down the stairs an out the door into the crisp wind. The wet tears chilled his cheeks as the air blew directly at his face.

Climbing onto his motorcycle, Mello followed the speeding ambulance without hesitation. The blaring sirens were blocked out by the frantic pounding of Mello's heart echoing in his head.

How ironic, Mello was usually sending people away in ambulances without a thought, but as this ambulance sped down the street it was all he could think about… he felt as if his life depended on it.

* * *

"_Hey!" He said from the back of the otherwise empty room, throwing a pencil at me to get my attention. The eraser hit me in the back of the head and I turned to look at him._

_He grinned mischievously and asked, "You're Mail, right?"_

_I nodded._

"_First day out and about and you're already in detention?" He asked, knowing not to mention the time I had spent _not_ "Out and About."_

_He knew it wasn't pleasant for most orphans to say why they were here or how they'd become an orphan and how long it'd taken them to recover in isolation. I was thankful._

_I remained quiet and nodded shyly as a response._

"_What'd you do?" He asked impishly, finding it suitable to throw an eraser at my head again._

_I hesitated, but then said, "I lit the curtains on fire… they were damn ugly."_

"_He laughed a light, yet somewhat forced, chuckle as he pounded his fist on the desk. "So true…"_

"_What about you…?" I asked quietly. _

_He smirked then, clicking his fingernails on the desktop. "Heh… I lit _Near_ on fire."_

_He burst into another fit of laughter and I felt the smallest tug of a smile pull at my lips for the first time since arriving at Wammy's. _

_Yes, that was it… the first day I met Mello…_

…

Beep. "…ight be in a coma…?"

_And even then I knew we were going to be close._

"…hear you. Try to say somethi…" Beep. Beep.

_Then again, I didn't know how much I'd feel for him. But at that age, who does?_

Beep. "…att? Can…hear me? Ma…" Beep.

_It wasn't long after that, though, that I knew he was something special. Around him, I was okay with being third._

"…lease, you can't do th…" Beep. "Matt…" Beep.

_Even when he pushed me away, I would stick around to protect him. If it was something stupid like "scare the mailman" pranks or something private like holding him after he had a nightmare, I was always there. Always…_

Beep. "…ou can hear me, please… wake u…" Beep.

_Because I love him. And I always will._

"Matt… wake up… please." Beep. Beep. Beep.

_I love him so much, even if he doesn't care for me… so even if it might be less painful, I can't give in. I need to be there with him, no matter what. I can't go like this, not yet…!_

"Matt! Wake up!" Beeeep…

Matt's eyes flew open and he sat up, only to grit his teeth at the dull pain in his abdomen.

"Matt!" Mello said in surprise, stumbling back a few inches at first, but the next second Mello's hands were on the other male's shoulders, pushing Matt back down into a lying position.

Even after the redhead was comfortably situated, Mello's hand rested gently on Matt's shoulder.

The gamer's eyelids were heavy from sedatives and his tongue felt like a brick for the same reason. "Mello…?" Matt asked groggily, fighting with unconsciousness.

"Yeah, Matt, I'm here." The blond replied quietly with a small, reassuring squeeze to the shoulder.

The redhead let his eyes close, but still struggled against sleep. "A hospital…?" Matt inquired in a tone suggesting he was surprised Mello took him there.

"You know I'm no good at first aid, Matt. You… were always better at that stuff." Mello replied.

Matt nodded. The small, prideful smirk that had been there started to fade as he remembered what had happened. "How long have I…?" The redhead slurred, gesturing vaguely with his hand.

"Um… we've been here a couples days. You've been unconscious the entire time."

Matt nodded faintly again, but stopped suddenly as if realizing something.

"You stayed?"

Mello was dumbstruck. "You…?! Tch! Of course I did! What kind of person do you think I am?" The blond cried defensively, only slightly offended.

Matt chuckled lightly, "The kind of person who wouldn't risk it and take me to a hospital in the first place…"

"Your life is more important to me than any risks there may be for us." Mello countered, taking his hand from Matt's shoulder to cross his arms over his chest.

Matt stayed silent as he contemplated this, not being able to shake the guilty feeling he had.

"I'm sorry." Matt said after a few minutes of silence, even though he knew that could never be enough.

"Sorry?! Matt, nothing is your fault!" Mello retorted, his eyes fixing on Matt's seemingly indifferent face.

"Not my fault, Mello? Everything is my fault… all of this. Kevin was and _is_ my problem, not yours. Now I have you mixed up in this, and believe me, I _never _wanted that to happen.

"Gods, Mello, if you had just let me die back there then you wouldn't have something from _my_ past interfering with any future _you_ might have." The redhead said firmly, his mask of indifference cracking as he bit his lip to keep himself in check.

"Matt, if we weren't in a hospital right now I would _kick your ass._ Don't you ever say that and don't ever give up on me again!

"Do you have any idea how worried I was about your ass? Do you?! Do you have any idea how much shit I'd be in if you died? Matt, you're so much better than that!" Mello snapped, looking into Matt's emerald eyes that were now open and aware.

Matt looked at him with a mix of confusion, doubt and gratitude as he shook his head. "I think you need to set your priorities straight."

Mello narrowed his eyes, "Priorities? It comes down to your life and me risking mine. Is there even a question on which one I'd choose? Is this who you've turned into?! Someone who just… gives up?!"

"I know what I'd choose, Mello."

"So you have given up! Just when things get hard? Life _is_ fucking hard, Matt! Wait it out – you're not alone anymore, why don't you get that?" Mello pleaded, his hand finding Matt's forearm and squeezing it.

Without his goggles, Matt could clearly see that Mello was upset and on the verge of tears. Mello had always been the more openly emotional one out of the two, but now the blond could see Matt's misty eyes and the broken look on his face.

Mello realized now that _this_ Matt was the Matt he'd really been friends with all this time. Matt wasn't invincible; he was a fragile human being, just like himself. Someone fragile who had been broken so long ago, but strong enough to put the pieces back together to face another day.

Matt put on a face that made it seem like he didn't care. Like nothing could bring him down; like he _was_ invincible… and Mello had bought it. Which was, of course, what Matt had wanted. Mello realized Matt acted this way so he wouldn't seem so weak to the blond.

Matt never intended for Mello to seem him the way he was now, Mello acknowledged that. In fact, Mello didn't mind at all. Matt was so… human, so much less… flawless. Mello didn't feel like the only emotional idiot in this friendship anymore and he didn't feel like Matt thought of him that way.

Matt looked away from Mello's icy blue eyes as he shed the first tear he ever had around the blond. He had been close before, but now he let the warm tear slide silently down his cheek, another soon following its path.

Mello glanced down at his hand on Matt's arm thoughtfully, "You don't have to fight him alone, Matt. Because let me tell you, that bastard has made himself my problem as well as yours."

Matt closed his eyes against the warm stream of tears that he couldn't control, cursing himself for being so stupid.

"Matt, you just wait. I'll fix all of this; everything that asshole has done. Believe me… that son of a bitch is going down."

* * *

**Okay, kinda' cliché, kinda' cheesy, kinda' OOC, but not bad, right? :/**

**I want to hear your thoughts!**

**PS. Did you notice! The big 10! Muahaha, ten chapters. How about ten reviews for the ten chapters... huh? :D**


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